It’s not like I needed waking up. I’ve had my own inner alarm sounding every hour on the hour.
My inner voice starts. I could roll back over to sleep and enjoy a Sunday morning sleep in.
Something encourages me to get up. Something always allows me to take that first step to get what I’ve trained for down.
Everything is ready to go. Helmet is double checked, surely three pairs of goggles with be ok, bike has been serviced and tyres have been checked..and rechecked…you get the picture.
Training sessions are complete.
I know I’m ready.
or am I?
What if my best isn’t good enough?
This Triathlon is out of my comfort zone. I’m completing it solo, no one to have a morning freak out with, it’s not just aimed at the beginner, its male and female and I’ve never ran,cycled or swam the course before. But I’m trained. I know I’m ready. My mantra “You are ready, you have trained for this” plays over in my head.
These words allow me to get dressed, ready and start the drive in.
I arrive on time and start the process of racking my bike.
Self doubt starts to creep in. These people look serious. What if I come last?
My mental training kicks in. Go through the motions, rack your bike and get your gear ready..like you have practiced many times before. Get the job done.
I remind myself that the only way to remove doubt – is ACTION. Keep moving forward. To recognise these doubts for what they are – excuses, reasons to not try. To not experience all that I can, all that I KNOW I can. That its most important when in doubt – to fully back myself. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or judges me, that’s their problem, not my problem. I just need to stay committed to my goals. And keep going through the motions. I’m ready.
I start to loosen up. Soak in the vibes. Everyone is chatting about being nervous for the swim. I start to let myself enjoy it. Remind myself that self-doubt is not going to get in the way of me enjoying and finishing this race. That I can be unstoppable.
My wave starts. The swim is my strongest leg and I remember to control my breathing, and let myself go out hard. Go hard and hold on is my mantra for the swim leg. Thankfully this comes together and I finish the swim leg confidently and feeling strong. Those inner self doubt voices start to soften in the background.
My nemeses the Bike leg stares me down and I know this is my biggest mental battle. As my legs burn and I try to confidently hold my place without letting intimidation beat me down. Slowly but steadily the Km’s crack along. I will only focus on the physical obstacles, I will not let my mind be one of them. Finally its time for the dismount – I’m as graceful as ever! 😉 But its done.
The run leg whilst I’ve trained, my pace isn’t where I would like it to be. But I know Ive overcome some injuries and I don’t let that doubt slow me down even further. For the first time I allow myself to smile. I know Ive got this. And not even the chafing in indescribable places will stop me.
The finish line is sweet and I will admit a bloody relief.
Are my times ‘good’ enough? I can improve, I can always improve. And I believe I will. I met my goals and hey..maybe to some they aren’t good enough, maybe id like to get faster, especially on the bike..what can I do? I can just bloody keep trying. Keep pushing forward to achieve my best efforts. Simple.
The only time your best isn’t good enough is when you let it stop you.